Author Archives: gdewar

The ATT Fail Whale…coming soon.

For all of us AT&T customers, whether we’re iPhone users, DSL subscribers, or using AT&T anywhere, and are tired of their constant failures. They make Muni look good!

Let’s Take A Break From The World’s Crappiness With the Dancin’ Stormtrooper

Let’s take a break from Newsom FAIL, Muni FAIL, and Overall Economy FAIL with…the Dancin’ Stormtrooper!

For more of the Dancin’ Stormtrooper, check out Danny Choo’s site. It’s rather awesome.

Just Go, Gavin. Just Go. You’re Obviously Done with SF, and Now We’re Done With You.

By now everyone knows Newsom press spokesman Nathan Ballard has decided to leave, and use his consderable talents elsewhere. This is just the latest in an exodus of talent from the Newsom “Administration,” now in full force since his departure from the race for Governor (and his subsequent absence from work).
Pretty much everyone has been dogpiling on him since then, especially after he took off for Hawaii, and since returning, doesn’t talk to the press, lies often, and doesn’t seem to be doing his job. Now, I don’t like kicking a guy who’s down because his dreams of being Governor died recently, but we are paying him to be the chief executive of San Francisco, and right now we have a lot of bad stuff going on.
When I saw this clip from CBS5, I realized what a petulant, bratty little child our “boyish mayor” really is. After reading about yesterday and today’s many Muni failures (for which he was AWOL), among other Big Problems, it’s time for the adults to take over Room 200.
It’s time for us to say Go, Gavin Newsom. Just go. Don’t wanna be Mayor? Fine. Go back to your businesses, your family, and never have to be responsible for anything again. Just do your thing and it’s cool and we’ll move on, and everyone will be happier. But it’s time for adults to take over and start taking this “running the city” thing seriously. No more “big ideas” or press conferences.
UPDATE: As I write this, the always awesome Mat Honan posts this link to a single-serving site: Has Gavin Newsom Resigned Yet? And don’t forget I Love You Gavin Newsom.com as well.

Just In Case You Were Wondering….Some Ideas on How To Vote on 11/3…

So there’s an election going on next Tuesday, but I think this off-year must have set a record for Most Boring Election Ever. Aside from some mail I’ve received about Prop. D, and a mailer from the local Democratic Party, this election has been a snoozefest. That may be a good thing since next year you’re going to see elections from Governor on down to Supervisor that will more resemble something out of Braveheart.
Most of the measures are of the “And WHY do I have to vote for this?” variety. It never ceases to amaze me how I can vote for gay marriage rights, arcane changes to the City Charter, President, judges, and how the Board of Supervisors conducts its internal affairs, but I (and all SF citizens) are deemed intellectually unable to vote directly for anyone who runs Muni. Hmm.
Whatever. So here’s a few recommendations, as well as some ways to have some fun with your ballot….
Prop. A – Some Thing About a 2 Year Budget Cycle – If you really want to change how the Board and the Mayor do the budget, elect better people to office, instead of relying on “Name ID” and a pile of junk mail to tell you how to vote. I’ve seen nothing out there that explains how we’re going to get Budget Nirvana by passing this, so I voted “no” just to send it back to the kitchen for a re-do.
Prop. B – Some Thing About How Many People Can Work For a Supervisor – Again, why do we have to vote for this? Does the Mayor have ballot measures determining how many people he gets to hire? No. I actually voted “yes” but only because I seriously doubt, in these crap-tacular budget times, you’ll suddenly see Supervisors with a legion of “aides” running around City Hall. But who knows? I think I voted yes for the “WTF” factor.
Prop. C – Some Thing About Candlestick – I’m not sure the 49ers give a hoot about San Francisco, and I don’t know that a mere 700k is going to change their minds if we get some company (hey what about Depends?) to rename the stadium. Sure, “Depends Stadium” sounds really cool repeated about a million times, but the other wrinkle is that the city’s take on the money goes exclusively to…park directors.
Wait WHAT? These “one thing has nothing to do with the other” measures are lame. I voted “no.”
Prop. D- Some Thing About Billboards Saving The City – This is the only thing that I’ve seen any mail for – about a million pieces saying “yes” and one saying “no” (with the most irritating disclaimer I’ve ever seen). These kinds of measures usually devolve into two arguments – Passing “D” will turn around the crappy part of Market Street into a mega Nirvana, because all you need are big light up signs to change a street that’s spent decades falling apart. The other side argues that passing “D” means you ensure a total destruction of the city and our way of life. Neither side is particularly credible.
I honestly don’t see how, in an economic depression where ad spending is way way down, slapping up a few light up billboards are going to make the pee and the dilapidated theaters and porn shops go away. That said, no one else is doing anything to improve a really crappy part of San Francisco either. I might have accidentally voted “yes” for this (I really don’t remember) in the spirit of “hey it couldn’t hurt.” So vote as you see fit.
Prop. E – Some Thing About City Buildings and Billboards – I suppose we’re supposed to hate all ads or something, since this is a theme this year. There’s just one problem with this measure – in an attempt to keep ads off the City Hall dome, there’s an interpretation that could end up wiping out all the Muni bus shelters.
Right now the entire cost and maitnenance is covered by the contractor who is required to build and maintain them. They pay for them with advertising. I’m sure if this were passed, some person with the money and/or time to persue it , could find a way to kill the contract. Then you’d have cash strapped Muni in charge of the bus shelters. Rather than risk waiting for the N in the rain sans shelter, I voted “no.”
Fun with the Waste of Time That Is IRV This Year

Remember how we were told that voting for so-called “instant runoff voting” was going to usher in this big future where under-funded candidates could be freer to challenge The System and all that?
Yeah, I know. Worked out well so far, right (insert sarcasm tag here).
The problem this year is that we have two incumbents, each running unopposed this year. This is nothing new – three years ago I wrote about this very same phenomenon and offered up then what I’m offering now – Fun With IRV Ballots.
I mean, the city went to all the trouble to print “IRV style” ballots, the least we can do is use them. So, while we all like ya, Mr. Herrera and Mr. Cisneros, and you did get my vote, I decided to enter in a few names for 1st and 2nd who will most assuredly lose. This year I used the names of favorite TV characters:
For City Attorney:
1. Don Draper
2. Bert Cooper
3. Dennis Herrera (Winner!)
For Treasurer
1. Hank Moody
2. Greg House
3. Jose Cisneros (Winner!)
Fill out your ballot with your own favorite characters. If all of this seems silly, well it is. So is the fact that all the promises made about IRV never came true. We’re left with paying for an expensive system that hasn’t lived up to its promises. If someone is a lame nobody running for office, they still lose. Just because we played games to fit the needs of a handful of ideologues whose true agenda has yet to be revealed, doesn’t mean anything is different.
Incumbents are always re-elected, and the candidates who have the most support always win. It’s even easier when no one bothers to run against them! So have fun. Besides, Don Draper is cool.

Why San Francisco’s Phony “Plastic Bag Ban” is Full of Compostable Waste!

One of the things that bothers me about my hometown is that thanks to mostly transplants from Elsewhere, we get lots of stupid ideas, and those stupid ideas refuse to die. Worse, because people want to Do The Right Thing, everyone buys into them, even though it’s all a fraud.

Today, we have a Grade-A example of one that drives me nuts every time I hear about it: San Francsico’s Alleged “Ban” on Plastic Shopping Bags.

“Mayor” Newsom and “Supervisor” Ross Mirkarimi can’t spend more than a few moments without bleating out that San Francsico “banned” plastic bags. The problem is both of them are spewing compostable waste out their mouths every time they say this.

That’s because we DID NOT BAN PLASTIC BAGS, people. Yes, San Francisco, despite all your pseudo-enviornmental chatter, plastic bags are a mainstay of SF shopping. And yet, despite this reality, there’s our City Hall, bragging about how frakking eco/green/whatever we all are, and now want to charge for paper bags. Oh, how frakking “green” of you, guys.

Here’s why San Francisco’s elected “leaders” suck. They did indeed ban plastic bags – but ONLY at “chain stores.” Everyone Else gets to keep using plastic bags (aka Satan’s Chalice). Since I often shop at local produce markets and small businesses, I’ve got a huge collection of them sitting in my storage drawer in the kitchen. You can see a picture of them right here. I guess saving the earth is only the work of “chain stores.” Everyone Else can continue to rape the Earth, then?

The fact that San Francisco does this is another example of how two-faced and hypocritical people are when it comes to environmental issues. Apparently it’s not kicking Mother Nature in the ass with a steel-toed boot when you use a plastic bag at the corner liquor store, but is when you shop at Safeway or Whole Paycheck.

I’m sorry, but that is bogus. Either plastic bags are indeed bad, or they are not. This kind of half-assed policymaking makes the assertion that bags are evil meaningless – if they are bad, then why, oh why, politicians, do you continue to allow them to be used?

Fun fact: Ireland did a true ban on bags by imposing a fee on them that was for everyone – not just chains. Within a year 90+% of folks were using some form of reusable bag, and today, the use of a plastic bag over there apparently is akin to not scooping up your dog’s poop.

I realize that when people have eyes for higher office, having a long list of “feel good” policies to promote makes everyone happy. But here’s a news flash “Governor” Newsom and “Mayor” Mirkarimi: neither of you have the political courage to actually ban plastic bags, or impose true restrictions on disposables. Both of you are cowards who easily stick the costs of “saving the earth” to chains, but have no will to actually do something meaningful, like banning these alleged Bags of Evil entirely.

This is the typical San Francisco fuckup. We love to tell everyone what to do, but when we’re asked to live up to our alleged beliefs, we don’t. We will always tell everyone to be “green” and do lots of showboaty things, but we’ll be damned if we give up plastic bags and our right to free parking, damnit.

UPDATE: Mere moments after posting SF Weekly has a story on it too – and of course, the politicians don’t want to return their calls.

The Most Annoying Disclaimer On A Piece of Mail. Ever.

IMG_4080.JPGSo I was going through what little political mail I’ve been getting during this quiet political season, and the other day I got one from the No on D campaign, decrying the horridness of billboards on Market Street and so on. Whatever.
I mean this is one of those magic bullet measures that proponents say will bring an era of rose petals and unending “free money” for whatever, and the opponents say will be the beginning of Armageddon. So I normally don’t pay attention.
However, this little chestnut on the mail piece, next to the union bug was an eye opener:

“Printed with VOC-free, soy based inks at a 100% wind powered union shop.”


Wait. WHAT?
You have to be f*cking kidding me. They really went there, huh?
As always, my colleague “Mason Powell” had the best response upon seeing said disclaimer:

“You mean a beer fart from the pressman counts as wind power?”

F*ck yeah!

Hold On A Second…That Sign Looks Like It Was Photoshopped, Mr. Mayor!

gavinsignfake.jpgSo, it seems Mr. Mayor Whatshisname has a new campaign video out. I guess nowadays posting something on YouTube is a really big deal, and this is like, way Web 2.0 campaigning and all Obama-like and whatnot. Fine.
However, I find this video interesting. but not for a reason Team Newsom might like. You see, I was noticing that suddenly the Mayor is supportive of a “Constitutional Convention” to reform our state’s government. This is an idea popular with the liberal types, the conservative types, the business-y types, and political bloggers. So now I guess he’s on board. Um, woo hoo?
What’s funny is while watching this video (with the older, cooler logos from earlier this year) I saw this image at 0:24, and it made me wonder out loud if this thing was photoshopped in some way. I didn’t recall seeing any old Newsom 1.0 signs with “Constitutional Convention” on ’em before, and I’m nerdy enough to notice and keep track of things like that. What really got my attention was how oddly colored this is compared to other elements in the video.
Anyway, I figure the good people on the blogs can pick this apart and have fun with it. Maybe I’m right and maybe not. But the great thing about The Internet is you can always pose a question and let others do the heavy lifting.
UPDATE: It seems great minds do think alike and our friend MattyMatt noticed the same thing also.
Mainstream media? Gavin Newsom? You got some ‘splainin’ to do! 😉

Let’s Show Gavin Newsom How Crowdsourcing Is Supposed To Work

image.php.jpegSo the other day I ranked on “Mayor” Newsom’s gubernatorial logo crowdsourcing efforts, something I still stand by. I mean, not to go all Don Draper on this, but this selection is a joke. I say this with many years of experience conceiving and executing mail and online campaigns. And as I’ve said before, although I personally do not do design, I know how to talk to creative people in the design field to execute good products.
After talking to several colleagues, we all agreed that perhaps this might be an opportunity to show how crowdsourcing is done properly. Now while I can’t offer cash prizes for submissions, I DO have a couple of projects coming up soon that will need some work, and I’m interested in casting a wide net for talent.
So, in the spirit of Being Constructive and Having Fun, I’m putting out a call for my own Gavin Newsom Logo. Here are the design parameters I’d like you to consider:
-Since we’re not the official campaign, we’re going to go with “Go Gavin Newsom!” as our slogan/logo/whatever.
-Stylewise, I’m looking for something that’s pop-culture aware, but not too cutesy
-The artwork has to be easily seen from a distance (signs) and reproduce well on a variety of media (t shirts, stickers, mousepads, signs, etc)
-Irony, humor, satire and so on are welcome if done well
-If you use the Obama Font, do so carefully. It’s already overdone as is, so show me something new.
Personally, my biggest wish in the political mail business was to do a bio of a candidate in the style of a 70s action movie poster (you know the one where they have scenes of the movie behind the main actor, all popping out at you from the center), but no one ever went for it. I suppose action scenes of commission meetings and speaking out at public comments time aren’t as cool to detail as chasing bad guys in a speedboat in Louisiana.

The Graphic Design Abortions Known as the “Choices” in Gavin Newsom’s Logo “Contest”

Ack! By the time I got home to write this, Everyone Else already blogged something way cooler. Curses!
418216434_8b199a59b4_m.jpgBy now, the Newsom for Governor campaign has spent so much time believing its own hype and that their candidate walks on water, it’s almost a bit painful to critique ’em because they’re punishing themselves just fine. Today, I got a way-too-enthusiastic email from a John Hughes movie villain asking me (yes me!) and everyone else on their list to “vote” for a campaign logo! Oh wow! So web 2.0!
Now, mind you, Newsom had a campaign logo earlier this year at the convention and there was nothing wrong with it at all. In fact, it was kinda nice in that it didn’t look like a typical campaign logo (and it had a URL, Facebook and Twitter logos on it too!) They even had this totally SF hipster tee for sale too for the folks in Sacramento.
But following in the footsteps of Steve Westly and Barbara Boxer, who also offered similar “vote for the logo and be empowered” nonsense, they’re doing this to keep people busy and avoid thinking too much about his actual record or mysterious relatives. I guess if you’ve been cooped up in a war room for the duration it sounds really “out there.”
Fine. But like Westly and Boxer, the choices offered are so crap-tacular, the designer(s) who came up with these should be sent to remedial design school or something. Sure, I am not a designer myself. I have, however, done some award winning creative on direct mail and on the web, because while I can’t draw a picture, I work with some of the best people in the business, and we come up with kick ass shit. Sterling Cooper can kiss our ass.
Before I pick apart these things, one by one, the way one might pick apart a really bad something or other, it’s clear that these are all variants on a very narrow theme.
They all obscure his name a little in some weird way (“ooh he’s the new thing on the horizon, dear!”) and few of them reproduce well in a variety of mediums (the the green one in particular has hideous typography and can’t easily be seen at a distance) If they want the mob to pick a design, fine, but at least have some decent choices so that they don’t end up with a stinker.
Ok, now to the nitpicking, Internet style:




The second worst one of the bunch. The fade in the middle makes this an especially difficult design to reproduce in print, or in black and white on flyers. There’s no URL for the website, Twitter and Facebook (oh wait, the new guys can’t make 15% off of those so I guess those are out), and in almost all these designs there’s a maniacal focus on obscuring part of the guy’s name. This is not edgy design, people, this is just stupid.

Now this seems to combine weird pieces of the second and fourth logos, and again, it doesn’t work. The typeface is way way too thin to be noticed from a distance, and the weird faux sun ray effect simply does not work. If you’re gonna do the whole sunrise, new dawn, new day bullshit, do it right.

This one is a favorite of my good friend Brock at SFist who makes an excellent point about the whole Manchurian Candidate vibe. However, between the blood red color and this fetish for thin, white typefaces, this doesn’t come close to say, Dianne Feinstein’s standard designs, which have been used in one form or another since 1990.

This last one is a doozy. Where to start? Ok, I get it, it’s a green sign because, oh right, he’s the Mr. Green Jeans of the campaign, running around telling everyone what to do about their recycling, all the while driving a gas guzzler and killing Muni back at home. Right.
Fine, but this looks less like a campaign logo, and more like something we’d see in Gavin’s private life, when he partners with Lisa Simpson to start a company to recycle animals into slurry. I’m sure this got points in the war room for “not looking political” (um, like the original) but that’s half the battle, kids. You have to “not look political” and also “not look like crap.”
So far it looks like the consensus amongst the cool kids is for “the wed wone,” If this is any sign of things to come, in the wake of Streetsbloggate, all I can say is go, Gavin go. I need a respite from the day job’s work, and let’s face it, Gavin’s provided enough blog fertilizer in the past to let a thousand blogs bloom. Yes We Can!
UPDATE So today I got this little email from the “campaign manager” talking about all the excitement over this cool, edgy contest:

Dear Friend,
It’s been a fun couple of days with the launch of our online logo contest. So far we’ve had over 6,000 total votes and the comments have been pouring in.
Elisa from Facebook said, “Let’s be bold and go with red!”
Greg said, “I love the green one.”
Jenny on Twitter thought the logo with the white background, navy and sun said, “new day, new way.”
As of this email, the logo with the white background, blue lettering and yellow sun is in the lead but the dark blue logo with the yellow sun is close behind.
Thanks to everyone for participating and giving us your feedback – we’ve been following the commentary and have seen some great ideas.
Voting is open until Sunday at midnight. So, if you have not voted, now is the time.
Cast your vote and help us pick the official Newsom campaign logo.
Sincerely,
Nick Clemons
Campaign Manager
Newsom for California
P.S. To stay connected, join with over 1 million supporters on www.GavinNewsom.com, Facebook and Twitter.

Wait, so out of over “one million supporters” online, only 6000 have voted? Hmm..lessee…that’s .006% of this online army he bragged about not too long ago….WOW. Work that online mojo, Gavster!
As I’ve said before, you can get into a numbers war on Twitter, et al, but it’s all meaningless if they don’t do anything.
And for the record, THIS Greg thinks the green logo sucks ass.

Genius. Sheer Genius.

How could you interrupt the Laugh Out Loud Cats, Kanye?