Attention San Francisco! Listen up! I have a simple solution to all the bullsh*t going on right now! We can knock out several birds with one stone, and we don’t have to pass any new laws to do so! Read up!
So apparently because Haight Street has some criminal punks littering the sidewalks, we in the rest of the city have to vote on some stupid “Sit/Lie” law to appease a few people in one street in one neighborhood. We don’t need to do this though. (And really, do you want to get a pile of junk mail and epic yelling from all sides on this for the next 3 months? Hell no!)
So here’s what I, as someone who’s not a six-figure city employee, came up with in about 20 minutes:
-I was reading at the ever entertaining Uptown Almanac blog a raging debate about sweeps done by SFPD via motorcycle, crackin’ down on drinkin’, smokin’ and the like. But look, there’s like, 6+ members of the police on motorcycles. For one park! Even though there’s way worse crime going down in Golden Gate Park (tree murders! muggings! coyotes having sex! Whatever!) And it’s a bigger park!
-So then, I thought “But wait. The eastern edge of Golden Gate Park has way more problems, and it’s also where the bad and sad that is Haight Street begins. Perhaps it might be smart to redeploy these police officers there?” Think about it. If Haight Street is the epicenter of crap in San Francisco, perhaps a rapidly deployable police force in the area might help, yes?
-So here’s the deal – take 4 of the SFPD at Dolores Park. Move them over to Haight Street. Have a vigilant populace call in any criminal crap these kids pull (drugs, harassing people, threatening people with dogs, etc). Send in motorized police, have them arrested, and put in jail. Seize any and all illegal substances, and make sure everyone see this happen. Repeat as necessary until stupid trustafarians and kids from the suburbs get the message: it ain’t the f*cking 60s anymore, and you can’t bully and steal and do drugs on the streets.
There. Problem solved with existing laws (surely crack smoking is illegal, Mr. Mayor?!?), and we don’t have to listen to the epic whining on all sides about the “sit/lie” law. Problem solved.
PS: And if that doesn’t work? File ADA lawsuits for all the mean kids blocking the sidewalks. Because if there’s one thing we know that work’s like Thor’s hammer in SF, it’s an ADA lawsuit. I’m not kidding. I suggested the same to shut down the illegal prostitution in the Outer Sunset.
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