Remembrance of Campaigns Past, or What Were We Doing A Year Ago?

While going through some old files on my Powerbook, I came across the following piece, written during’s early beginnings a year ago. For various reasons I decided not to publish it at the time (like I do so often, actually) and quickly forgot about it.
When you consider that literally, a year ago, Sen. John Kerry’s campaign was floundering, and the biggest news that was permeating the mainstream media was the much-ballyhooed firing of Jim Jordan as campaign manager, it makes you realize how far we’ve come, only to end up right where we began in the first place.
That is, the shortcomings that people glossed over during the Dean-bashing and the front loaded primaries never really went away – they just disappeared in a wave of spin. Meanwhile the root problems were never really addressed. And a year later, we have the Imperial Government taking power with a full blown Politburo to rubber stamp the King’s decrees. Woo hoo.
So, in the spirit of being a thorn in the side of the People Who Know Best, and since at this point I have nothing to lose politically, I’m unearthing this old piece of writing for your entertainment.
Posted at the time I don’t think it would have been that great. But when I read it this time, in light of all that happened since, I laughed out loud here at the Velocity Cafe to the surprise of my fellow coffee drinkers. Enjoy!

Ah Sen. John Kerry. On paper this guy is a great candidate. War record, Senator, prosecutor, voted “safe” on The War, has a wealthy spouse, and has all the affable qualities lacking in other Massachusetts-based presidential candidates.
But watching Kerry’s campaign this week is kind of like watching the Hindenburg go down in flames, but in slow motion.
You have to wonder how well a campaign is doing when the only major piece of news that permeates everyone in the country is that Kerry “fired” his campaign manager. Everyone heard about it. People I know who care not a whit about politics asked me what I thought about this “big news. ”
Heck, people I know who can’t even name who John Kerry IS heard about it. No one knows much else but they knew that. Wow, big news! Kerry’s campaign is doing so bad this late in the game he had to fire his manager! Alert the media and stop the presses! The One is getting his act together!
Why, that must mean he’s qualified to be Commander in Chief because he can make these big personnel decisions. You’re The One – the anomaly created by the Matrix to defeat the Bush Machines.
Hey, don’t look at me – that was the spin coming from the campaign not my sarcasm. Yes, really.
What was most laughable (and most disturbing) were the statements he made after The Big Decision. My personal favorite was when his campaign spokesman and deputy fundraiser quit the campaign. Kerry’s response was to toss off some oddball line about how “he really didn’t know these people and they’re not loyal to me so they should go.”
So let me get this straight. Here’s a major presidential candidate, with major money behind him and much of The Establishment (whoever they are) on his side and he “doesn’t know” his OWN SPOKESMAN? That does not sound like “an executive making tough decisions.” It sounds more like a guy who clearly has no clue why he’s running other than “he is The One.”
For those of you who are curious about what’s really going on, here’s a little insider gossip. I was in Boston recently and had the pleasure of serving (just for a day) as a Official Kerry Event Guy at his big kickoff.
If you don’t speak political-ese that means I was the guy in the suit and Matrix glasses whose job it was to keep people off the wrong parts of the bleachers so the event would look good on TV.
It was fun and really, I hadn’t made up my mind on who to vote for yet, and Kerry, to be fair, is a nice person and the event went great. But after talking to people in Boston and in Washington DC I began to hear some rumblings that not all was well in Zion AKA Kerry’s Campaign.
The most memorable was a joke that’s made the rounds by now. For a smirk, here it is:
Q: What do John Kerry’s campaign and Noah’s Ark have in common?
A: Both have two of everything!
One year to go….
� 2003-2006 Greg Dewar | All Rights Reserved | Originally Published at

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