Memo to Ralph Nader – The Blowtorch and Pliers Have Arrived.

To: Ralph “Nadering Nabob of Negativism” Nader
From: Schä
Date: Right Now
Subject: Time To Take A Blowtorch and a Pair of Pliers To Your Sorry Ass
Mr. Nader, it’s come to my attention you have chosen to run for the Presidency of the United States of America in 2004. That’s great. I am sure you’re full of all kinds of bile and vinegar, and have plenty of insult-laden attacks on Democrats worthy of a Rove. Woo hoo.
You still have the nerve to blather you were “right” in 2000. Even your past supporters have told you not to run, and rational people agree that your basic thesis – that electing Gore or Bush would make no difference – has been blown to smithereens by four years of war, corruption, and corporate rule under President Bush. If you honestly think we’d be in the same situation today with a President Gore, you’re either insane or stupid. Pick one.
Don’t get me wrong. If you want to run again, that’s fine with me. I’m all for free speech and if you want to sound like the egomaniacal fool that you are, go forth and rant. The 1st Amendment still protects stupid speech (unless you’re Justin Timberlake…but I digress) and the Republic is not threatened by you this time, despite what some may think.
However, I’m going to exercise my free speech rights and demand you be held accountable for your shadowy past and answer for your missteps just as we should with Sen. John Kerry and President Bush. To paraphrase a popular film by Mr. Tarantino – it’s time to take a blowtorch and a pair of pliers to your ass. You may have gotten a free pass from the corporate-think Washington Insiders at the DNC, but no more. Since they seem to have an almost congenital inability to put up a fight, I’m sparking up the torch right now.
I’ve read and heard your negative, angry, bitter ranting, aiming your hatred at people like Gov. Howard Dean, who built in mere months what your sorry ass has tried to do for decades – build a national movement organized for change based on small donations raised through honest means. I’ve heard you say a lot as an activist and a candidate about how money corrupts politics. Interestingly enough, your own fundraising schemes provide little alternative to our current corrupt process.
What’s the Nader way of doing business? Run a record-club like scam on college campuses (AKA the PIRGs) to get the money you need. I’ve seen these operations up close as a former canvasser for CalPIRG, and the shady fundraising, along with some of the lousiest work conditions this side of Bangalore, aren’t pretty. Any job that makes staff pay for office supplies out of their pocket while raking in millions is no progressive workplace.
I’m not the only one who has seen behind the curtain and Ralph, it ain’t pretty. Too many others have come forward as well with their allegations, and your witty rejoinder is to attack them personally, or avoid talking about the issue altogether. Not exactly full and frank disclosure, is it?
It’s bad enough your fundraising operations are so shadowy, but even more troubling is your long record of union busting activities at your various organizations. At a time when organized labor is taking it on the chin from all sides, the last thing we need is an avowed enemy of labor organizing proclaiming them to be the true friend of working men and women in this country. The fact that you still refuse to fully explain how and why you take money and support from hiding behind a web of corporate-style organizations that’s not the case. Mr. Nader, you make activism into a business that profits you and you alone. Worse, you’ve gotten a pass from the media for investing said funds into consumer friendly operations like Halliburton Corporation, no friend of the environment or the taxpayer. Not this time, though. You can’t keep hypocritically demanding the government and other candidates put out a full and frank disclosure of their interests but only do so yourself after years of denial and evasion. Feel that heat? That’s the blowtorch cutting it really close right about now.
The corruption and lying would be bas enough, but your egomaniacal lack of support of up and coming progressive leaders like San Francisco Supervisor Matt Gonzalez is really astonishing. When the election was getting close, Mayor Newsom had President Clinton and Vice President Gore helping him out as an up and coming Democrat. When an up and coming Green Party politico needed help, you were AWOL. I’m sure you have some bullshit excuse, but it won’t wash with me, and it certainly doesn’t wash with the Greens.
Filmmaker Michael Moore found time to give support and a contribution to Matt’s campaign – it’s strange that a self-appointed Green Party leader couldn’t do the same. You might have been of some use in an election that mattered – but I think you were too busy screaming insults and witty barbs at the Democrats to pay attention. (That’s the pliers making their appearance about now).
So go forth and run, Ralph. Your bid won’t generate nearly the enthusiasm or the support it did just a few years ago, and the fact is, you won’t be on enough ballots to make much of a difference anyway. Rational and free-thinking people know that this election’s too important to screw around with a self-appointed cult leader whose main contribution to American politics of late has been nasty and rude comments about the personalities of Democratic politicians, while offering no record of accomplishments since you took on the Chevy Corvair.
Not any more. If the Democrats and the media won’t do their job, I will do it for them. I have plenty of pairs of pliers and a good blowtorch, and have no problems using both, and more, this time around Ralph. Consider yourself warned. The Nader-ing Nabob of Negativity ends now and Schä plans to lead the charge.
© 2003-2006 Greg Dewar | All Rights Reserved | Originally Published at

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