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January 30, 2010

A Post Only My Washington State Pals Will Care About: Sen. Pam Roach (R-WA) BANNED from GOP Caucus!

My friend Mike emailed me this morning to let me know that zany State Senator Pam Roach (R-Auburn) has been banned from the GOP caucus in the Washington State Senate, due to her batsh*t crazy anger-fueled meltdowns of late.

This is especially funny because ages ago, before "blogs" were a household term, and most of us still had dialup, in the 1990s, someone (and I can't imagine who) recorded one of her meltdowns, concerning the fact that some flowers had been moved to the side of the Senate floor.

Because no one had Internet back then, and newspapers and TV didn't know what it was, and there was no Twitter or Facebook or MySpace, this only spread to the handful of people that a) had Internet and b) gave a crap.

Now, however, times have changed, and Pam (who, like a good Republican is on the public payroll more than once), has been sent to the corner to get her act together.

You can hear her rant from 1995 (or was it 1996?) here (warning it's kinda loud).

January 28, 2010

Today's Hilarious Thing From the Internet

Flickr user Tubes posted this mockup of the iPad packaging.

Yes, I know the joke's been on the Internet for at least a day, and done a million times. This one is one of the better iterations, I think.

January 27, 2010

Afternoon Pop Culture Decompression with Jack Bauer and More LOST

What a day, what with an epic Muni FAIL, the iPad (aka the 80s boombox version of the iPod), and all this stuff about guys breaking into places to do nefarious things, it's time for some pop culture decompression.

First, mix Rammstein (yay!) and other metal bands with Jack Bauer shooting everyone, and you get this:

Now, let's take all the footage we know about what happened at the time of Oceanic 815s crash, put it all together, "24" style, and voila!:

Obama SOTU vs. Apple JOBS vs. LOST s5!

DHARMAlogo.jpgSo today is the day when months of rumor and speculation are deflated and we all get to find out what that Important Person has to say about Something That Affects Us All. I'm of course talking about the Apple (insert product here) which, if you are ever on the Internet, have heard that this miracle device will cure cancer, baldness, world hunger, awkward social situations, and deciding what truly is the brand of cola that expresses you best.

Oh, yeah, I think there's some guy in Washington who was 2008's Apple product, complete with hype created by the crowd too, you know the one who was going to do the same things as the Apple (insert product here), and more. Isn't he speaking today too?

Me? I'm more concerned about how the final season of LOST will end. The Dharma Initiative worked in secret so they never had to contend with the endless amounts of bullshit speculation about what they were going to do, and they were dealing with all kinds of crazy stuff. So, in the end, the fictional event (the one that pushed back the President's address to the nation, and has LESS fictional speculation than the Apple event) ironically is the one I'm looking forward to the most and have absolutely no expectations for at all.

Weird.

Oh and if you don't know about LOST and don't have time to watch 5 seasons before next week...

January 26, 2010

Deep Thought Of The Day: Campaigning Vs. Governing

It's not like the past was some sort of Golden Age ever, but I wonder: are we finally at the point where the skills to run a good political campaign are so exclusive of good government that we now have a system that excels at putting people into office who are great at the election part, who have no real clue how (or maybe even the desire) to do the job they so desperately wanted?

Think about it: to get elected all you have to do is sound good, look good, and play to the press's desire to cover the horse race. If you're ahead, EVERYONE wants you to win because people like a winner in a horse race.

When you get elected, despite the fact the press focuses on deal-making, in the end, governing is a Hell of a lot more difficult, and many people really don't want you to succeed (no matter who you are).

If things were as simple as the speechmakers claim, it sure would be easier to get things done. Plus when speechwriters and spinners came up with boneheaded ideas (think the Central Subway here in SF as a local example) that have no basis in reality, wouldn't be the clusterfraks they are now.

This isn't exclusive to one party, despite what the partisans on both sides think. You all know who you are.

January 24, 2010

Why the SCOTUS Decision on Corporate Political Spending May Not Be As Big A Deal As You Think

Whenever I wonder if it was a good idea to quit my job, and finally leave the sordid business of political "consulting," I read the tweets and postings about things like this business about the Supreme Court's ruling on corporate donations and am glad I don't have to worry about such things anymore. It's way more fun (not to mention easier) to throw tomatoes from the cheap seats than have to actually deal with this crap.

If you're a legal type, you should read Rick Hasen's excellent blog about election law for links and details about the legalities. There's already a lot o' hollering on the center and the left about the evilness of said ruling, and others who think it's a blow for Lady Liberty's torch. I, on the other hand, am not really sure a lot will really change.

However, several reasonable folks suggest otherwise, pointing out that most corporate money in politics is already there in some convoluted form, and that for the most part, while politicians of all stripes can do dumb things, or make decisions we don't like, the actual cases of "corporate influence" aren't as common as we might think.

News flash: some corporations give money to anti-tax, anti-regulation politicians because, well.....that would be of benefit to them. It's not like people are born believing in some one true ideology, and they ONLY believe otherwise because someone made a donation they can't spend on themselves or their family to their campaign fund. To think so is arrogant.

Plus, we've had endless jurisdictions attempt all sorts of complex regulations to try and force an outcome of the electoral process, usually to favor one side or another. And yet, you can go to F*cking Liberal San Francisco, and guess what? Despite endless gimmicks, the leftists couldn't even put up a candidate for Mayor in the alleged bastion of The Left against a "corporate sponsored Mayor" who had real problems. More to the point - when was it the job of the Constitution (or the City Charter) to ensure only one side wins?

Plus, in the end, you find it's the little campaigns, who don't have the money to hire lawyers and accountants to comply with complex laws having the screws put to them, while the big campaigns who have the support of established interests can weather whatever legalisms the hippies come up with. Ironic, eh?

Finally, if you've ever worked for a big company, you know that big companies and corporations are very bureaucratic, risk-averse to a fault, and do everything in committee. They're not really eager to have to put their name on some politician's campaign, and deal with the fallout if said person loses, or have to deal with an endless line of politicos asking for money from them, with the threat they'll get hurt if they don't.

Here's a simple solution that would adjust to the new reality, and bring back a little sanity to the process. Let's get rid of complex accounting rules for campaigns and come up with a simple system that requires them to publish online within 24 hours what they took in, what they spent it on (or who they spent it on), and make sure that's super easy for anyone to understand. No silly games, no hiding sh*t, just be honest. If people comply, they're cool. If they don't, they have to return the day's cash, no bullsh*t.

If an ad is put out by a candidate (web, TV, mail, whatever) they have to post a URL linking back to said disclosure. If an ad is produced by some group of people (any kind), they have to say who they are, and post their money and spending just like everyone else. No more games, no more silly stories about quarterly reports, no more accounting gimmicks where campaigns hold off paying staff so they can say "lookit how much cash I have on hand" (when they really don't), and if someone is actually dumb enough to take a big bag of loot and change their vote on the eve of some Big Issue, well, we'll all know and it'll be up to the voters to make that decision.

It's times like these I'm glad I no longer have to worry about all of this, and instead will watch a short term burst of cash line the pockets of the people who get paid to produce all of this stuff. Ultimately, no matter who wins on election day, the folks who print the brochures and produce the TV ads get paid anyway, so yay for them.

There are plenty of worse ways to make a living, and for those who enjoy it, at least they don't have to be producing ads for tooth deoderizer.

January 21, 2010

I Wish I'd Posted My Prediction on the Massachusetts Senate Race...

Lessons for bloggers: don't hold back on unpopular predictions, lest you end up being right. A few weeks ago I predicted that Martha Coakley would lose the US Senate special election in Massachusetts. Every single time I brought this up, my Democratic friends would look at me like a heretic and proceed to rattle of something they read on "Daily Kos" about why I was wrong and that speaking such heresy meant I was going to Hell. And yet, none of their reasons had anything to do with actual facts or history. So here was my reasoning, and why liberal bloggers sometimes have their heads in the sand:

-Martha Coakley's campaign was spectacularly poor. She didn't campaign like she should have, once she got the Democratic nomination. If part of life is showing up, in campaigns, it is everything. By basically assuming she'd win by default, she made the classic mistake that allowed the other candidate to define the race. She also made several verbal gaffes that amplified her seeming disdain for talking to actual voters.

-Her campaign was run almost exclusively by DC based political people, and veteran campaign consultants and workers were sidelined by the Geniuses from DC. Another sign of something Really Bad. Pushing aside the people who know the state in favor of generic strategies based on abstract polling data and focus groups doesn't work well. Plus, there are a lot of rings that need to be kissed in Massachusetts politics, and you don't necessarily know which ones those are if you're relying on whiz kids from DC.

-Massachusetts is not 100% Communist Leftist Whatever. Massachusetts has elected Republicans as Governor exclusively since 1990, and it was only in 2006, when Deval Patrick won, that the cycle broke. Also, remember that Ted Kennedy himself came dangerously close to losing his re-election in 1994 against Mitt Romney (!), and it took a Herculean effort of money and resource to ensure his re-election. Had it not been for some extremely poor choices of words by Romney, and a recognition that Kennedy was in trouble in time to do something about it, he might have well lost. Remember, in 1994, the Speaker of the US House lost his bid for re-election that year.

-President Obama is an easy target. People know right now they can call him names, they can use code words for the "n-word," and they can call him a liar in front of the entire country, and nothing will happen. Obama's obsession with getting the acceptance of people who quite literally, do not think he's a legitimate holder of the office, and who will say or do anything to tear him down, is his ultimate weakness.

No one fears President Obama if they cross him, so they rip him a new one on any big or little thing (remember that bullshit crying spasm the righties had about his choice of mustard? WTF?). So of course they're going to prop up some dude in Massachusetts and make 41 the new majority number for a Senate of 100. (Wait, what?)

There's no reason why Obama and Democratic office seekers can't turn this around, but it isn't likely they will. Running around and "re thinking" and "re framing" are popular pastimes of bloggers, party insiders, and the endless amount of "staff" of officeholders, and while they're talking and bitching, the other side wants to kick their asses. Until they decide they're going to respond in kind, they will continue to get their asses kicked.

The sad part is the other side has nothing of substance to offer beyond blind rage. When we had them in charge of Everything (President, Senate, House, SCOTUS), the best they could come up with was Tom DeLay/Jack Abramhoff style corruption, a war without end, and endless trillions added to the deficit, and a bubble economy that just blew up on us. But we don't think about that anymore, right?

PS: Oh, and one other thing: despite what the folks Outside of California assume about our Golden State, California is not 1000% Communist either. Look at the history of statewide initiatives and elections starting in 1982, and see just how well "lefties" do. Barbara Boxer has always had to run a tough race, and the Democratic hold on statewide offices has NEVER been absolute, ever.

The fact the California State Democratic Party acts like it IS 1000% Democrat is well, I suppose good news for Republicans?

PPS: Jack Donaghy is one of my all time favorite characters on TV. F*ck yeah, Jack!

January 11, 2010

Supervisor Chris Daly's "Language Issue" - Who Gives a FRAK?

bulworth-poster.jpgSo it seems the only way you can get the mainstream news media's attention these days is to put a witty update on "Facebook," and suddenly everyone loses it over a throwaway remark. I'm talking, of course, about Supervisor Chris Daly's "vow" to use the dreaded "F-word" (no not "frak" which would have been way cooler) at every meeting he attends.

To which I say, "who cares?"

Watching the mainstream media lose it over this, however, has been the really obscene thing. I mean, it's not like there's so little going on, what with earthquakes (are we prepared), Muni (are we burning it to the ground) and Everything Else worth reporting - no, take those precious column inches and airtime to yak about this. Predictably, one of the few people who has a rational, sane take on this is none other than Beth Spotswood, over at the SF Appeal.

Personally, I don't care what kind of "language" he uses, and it's a bit much for the Mayor to get all pious now, after the long running disaster his mayoral reign has been. I'm much more interested in what Sup. Daly, and the Board, and the Mayor are going to do to try and repair the damage caused by Gov. Doofinator and his allies in the Democratic Legislature to the budget, so that things that actually matter to me, like a functional transit system and a safe city to live in, are addressed.

If saying "f*ck" helps that along, well that's fine with me. Just go do something productive, and no one will care. Certainly not the mainstream press!